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T'was the month after Christmas...
T'was the month after Christmas,
And all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
Not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled,
The chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
Had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
There arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter, disguised as a man!"
So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.
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Trivia Question
DID YOU KNOW...
Chirstmas and New Year's
Day do NOT fall on the
SAME day of the year?
For EXAMPLE: Christmas, 2009
falls on a Friday, but
New Year's Day, 2009
fell on a Thursday!
New Year's Day, 2010 will
fall on a Friday also,
but in a different year!
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2006 New Year's Resolutions
As we all prepare to start a new year, it is time again to make those ever so important New Year's Resolutions. Here is my list of recent years' resolutions and the revised ones for 2006.
Resolution #1
I will try to be a better husband to Lisa.
2004: I will not leave Lisa.
2005: I will try for reconciliation with Lisa.
2006: I will try to be a better husband to Rachel.
Resolution #2
2003: I will stop looking at other women.
2004: I will not get involved with Rachel.
2005: I will not let Rachel pressure me into another marriage.
2006: I will stop looking at other women.
Resolution #3
2003: I will not let my boss push me around.
2004: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2005: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2006: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.
Resolution #4
2003: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2004: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2005: I will read 5 books a year.
2006: I will finish Space.
Resolution #5
2003: I will not get upset when Bill and Roger make jokes about my baldness.
2004: I will not get annoyed when Bill and Roger kid me about my toupee.
2005: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.
2006: I will not speak to Bill and Roger.
Resolution #6
2003: I will get my weight down below 180.
2004: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2005: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2006: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
Resolution #7
2003: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2004: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2005: I will not become a "problem drinker".
2006: I will not miss any AA meetings.
Resolution #8
2003: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2004: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2005: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2006: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2008.
Resolution #9
2003: I will see my dentist this year.
2004: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2005: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2006: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.
Resolution #10
2003: I will go to church every Sunday.
2004: I will go to church as often as possible.
2005: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2006: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.
Many thanks to ArcaMax Jokes.
I think that they are still cute and applicable. Randy Faulk, the Editor.
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